dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize