I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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