In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
