Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
