biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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