too bad you live with your parents still
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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