I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
