you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
