I only kidnapped one of them. chill
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
