So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
