he puts the penis in happiness.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
