Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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