he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
