i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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