What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
