Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
