Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
