it hurts more in the daytime
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
