the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
