Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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