Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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