what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize