Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
there is glitter all over my balls
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