To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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