I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize