I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
