look no pants
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
