you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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