I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
be right there i have to get my cape
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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