I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
