I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
God I need to hump something, right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
