He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
