There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
