I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
