Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
