i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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