Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize