i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
