I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
