Just took my morning after pill in the library
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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