Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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