I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
