the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
