I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
