am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize