I cockslap morals
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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