Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
