God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
