So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
