am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
