That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize