last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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