My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
