Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize