His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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