I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
