Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
