Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
