She announced her abortion via fbk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
