Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
