yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My bed is full of blood and feathers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
