drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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