is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
