Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
