and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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