My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
