Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
