first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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