Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
