she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
