dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize