HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
