I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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