I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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