Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
